New Blog

I guess in case there happen to be any random readers that stop by here to see if I wrote anything lately, I should let you know that I switched blogs.

In order to easily merge all my former blog posts (and access my xanga archives to read about my previous pregnancies) I am writing over at wordpress now.  Feel free to come check it out and leave a comment letting me know you stopped by!

www.jennikim6.wordpress.com

Date Night!

I had a wonderful date night with Phil last night. (Thanks again for baby sitting,Kathryn Kramer!) We enjoyed a delicious dinner at Olive Garden (thanks to a special gift card!) and then we got to see a glimpse of the newest member of our family!!! After welcoming precious baby Nathaniel into Sherri Rogers and Matt Rogers family this morning and snuggling with him for an hour this evening, I'm even more excited to welcome our little baby into our family in November!!!

Journaling Again

I have really enjoyed journaling again after taking such a long break from writing.  There are several posts floating around in my brain that aren't quite ready for words, yet as I desire to get back into the habit of writing consistently, I decided to just sit down and write and see what comes.

The encouragement I received from several of you after reading my previous post meant the world to me.  I received several messages, texts, calls, and emails from people saying they enjoyed reading what I wrote and letting me know they were praying for me and thinking of me.  Some of you opened up and shared your hearts with me and I continue to lift you up in prayer.  Others of you thanked me for writing and being vulnerable and I was even told I am "talented" when it comes to writing.  While I am much more apt to feel insecure in sharing my words with others, rather than feeling talented by any means, the affirmation I received was a great balm for my heart.  Thank you for taking the time to read what was on my heart and for responding in so many different ways.  It's good to feel connected and to know the feelings we are experiencing aren't unique- I am not alone!

Today, my heart is heavy as I think about family and friends gathering at two separate events.  My great-aunt Jean passed away earlier this week and her funeral is in Florida.  I really wanted to be there to honor her and remember her with family and loved ones, but it just didn't work out.  She was a beautiful woman who always loved and supported us.  (In this photo, she is front left.)

Another group of friends from my days in Rockford, IL will be gathering to grieve the unexpected loss of a friend's 10 month old baby boy today.  Though I haven't spoken to this friend in years, and never had the opportunity of meeting her beautiful baby boy, my heart feels the loss as I imagine the pain she is experiencing.  Several friends have posted on facebook, offering encouraging words of hope, when life just doesn't seem to make sense.

Again, we see that we all experience heartache and trials of different magnitudes walking through this life.  My love and prayers are with you...

Trusting Even Still

The past couple of weeks have been some of the toughest I've faced in a while.  I say in a while because I've faced some very tough weeks in the past several years, but the past couple weeks consisted of several huge, life changing decisions encircling our family all at once and overwhelming my heart and mind til I wanted to just quit!  My motivation and peace haven't been fully restored yet (as I find myself sitting quietly on the couch, curled up in my heated blanket, still wearing my pjs, knowing I had to get these words out of my mind and into these processed thoughts that I'm still not sure what I will do with, while the kids are playing together so nicely in the basement).  Some of the decisions continue to weigh heavy on my mind, and the anxiety continues to make my stomach turn, but in the midst of these trials, I have felt a very faint sense of calm and peace at times as I've gently heard the Lord speaking to me, "Are you going to trust me?"

The struggle between trusting God in my current situation and in any other potential situations we might find ourselves in is sometimes confusing to me.  I can say, "I am trusting God," therefore, He will do what He wills in my life in my current situation, even if I feel it is a struggle each day/month to just get by.  But we always do get by and He never ceases to amaze me in providing for our needs when the numbers or circumstances just don't make sense on their own.

Or I can say, "I am trusting God," therefore, when another door opens or we choose to make changes in our current situation.  We can find ourselves saying, let's do this and see how it all plays out, trusting that God opened the door for a specific reason, and choosing to step through it, knowing He will see us through.

I know I am being vague in not sharing details of my circumstances, but do you see what I mean by saying it can be very confusing??  I want to trust God in either circumstance, but sometimes it's tough to know what trusting actually looks like- staying put or moving forward!!

In one of these situations, we moved forward as an act of faith.  We took all the steps in the right direction, and then ultimately felt like the right decision was to just stay put.  So we closed the door.  Then we were approached again and ultimately left the decision in their hands.  Now again, it seems the door is closed.  

In another situation, we knew change had to take place.  So we took the steps we've been putting off for quite a while, in hopes of feeling direction and moving forward in a way that otherwise would probably not happen.  Who knows what will happen as we continue to walk this path, but again, we choose to move forward, trusting in God's faithfulness and goodness, even if it brings pain, testing, and sacrifice through the process.

The other two, or three really, situations, we are currently just waiting out.  Until other steps fall into place (which could take several months), we won't know for sure what changes may come for our family.  We will just continue to wait and see what happens for the time being, unless we feel a major sense of direction telling us otherwise in the meantime.

"I will cast all my cares upon you {God}, for you care for me," (1 Peter 5:7).  "Do not be anxious about anything, but instead make your requests known to God," (Philippians 4:6).  These (paraphrases of) verses (among others) have continued to swarm my mind.  I am so thankful for the truth of Scripture that I can cling to when I don't have the strength or energy to study and seek at times.  I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit that intercedes on my behalf at times when I don't even know what to pray (Romans 8:26).  Even as we have worked on memorizing Psalm 119:11 this past week, "I will hide God's Word in my heart that I might not sin against God," I've reminded the kids of why it is so important to memorize Scripture, to be able to pull it up in times of trial- sadness or temptation- and giving us the Hope to cling to that we are so blessed to have!

As the anxiety level in my life rose again to what felt an unbearable point last night, I prayed this verse almost continuously, "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:8).  I said it over and over again in my mind as I laid in bed trying to fall asleep.  It picked right back up in my mind in the middle of the night as I was awoken on several occasions, and it was the first thing in my mind again this morning when I woke to start my day.  Though I wasn't struggling with a physical sense of safety, I needed to constantly give my worry and fear over to the Lord and trust in His peace (for actual sleep AND for peace of mind) for comfort and safe keeping, guidance and direction.

I wish I remember what it was that I read on facebook this morning, but someone posted one of those "stickers" that shares an inspirational quote.  It said something along the lines of there is not much difference between worry and prayer.  But prayer is taking that worry and continually giving it over to the Lord.

Part of my thoughts in sharing these very personal thoughts with others is that I know I am not alone.  I know (from your actual words, your personal facebook posts, the links to the blog posts that you have shared on facebook that have certainly applied to my life as well, and just because it's a part of life in our fallen world) that you are struggling with your own trials and heartaches right now, too.  Regardless of what you are walking through and the steps that you feel uncertain to take, or the outcomes that are to come, you can have Hope and Peace in your life, and you can trust in the One who loves you more than anything.

I heard this song on our way to church on Sunday morning and it spoke to me in an entirely different way than when I've heard it in the background before.  The words in the first verse say:

"You brought me this far so why would I question you now
You have provided so why would I start to doubt
I've never been stranded, abandoned, or left here to fight alone
So I'm giving you control."

(The song is called, "Lift My Life Up", by the group Unspoken.)

God will carry us through our trials if we choose to give our burdens to Him and surrender our fears and futures.  It will probably never be easy, but we can trust His goodness and faithfulness to redeem our stories for His glory.  

Father's Day Weekend

We were able to spend the weekend with family in Kalamazoo.  Phil's summer work hours allow him to be home by 1:00 pm on Fridays, so once he got home, we packed up and headed down!  There were boxes of stuff for the garage sale we will be having in July, bikes for taking a family bike ride, swim suits/towels/life jackets for a boat ride, and a whole bag of shoes to accommodate a family of feet for bike rides, boating, and church.  Oh yeah, and our teeny tiny pet turtle, too.  :)

After stopping at my parent's house to drop off the garage sale items, we stopped at Meijer to pick up a few items for the chicken chili, and then we got to Phil's parent's house.  We had a yummy dinner with grilled hot dogs, friend potatoes, salad, baked beans, and watermelon.  Yummy!  Then we loaded up bikes for a bike ride!  This was Caiden's first real bike ride on two wheels and he did great!!  We biked for about 6 miles at Celery Flats and got to see 3 deer, too!  One was really up close and didn't even seem phased when we stopped to check her out.  Ellee rode on the trail-a-bike with Phil and Cole got to ride in the seat on the back of my bike.  It felt good to go out and ride with Memaw and Papa!  After our ride, we went back to the house where Papa got a fire going and we made mint s'mores!  The mosquitoes were crazy, but a little bit of bug spray made a huge difference.  We also found a tree frog and had fun playing with that, too.  Such sticky little feet!  By then, kids were exhausted (way past bedtime, though very giddy) and we put them to bed.  Memaw and I cuddled with them for a while, but the two little ones did not want to fall asleep!  Eventually, they were all asleep and the rest of us spent some time watching tv and visiting together until we couldn't stay up any longer.

Saturday morning, Caiden was up bright and early- excited to go spend more time with his Memaw and Papa.  Thankfully, his Memaw graciously let him hop into bed where they cuddled and read for a little while longer before actually waking up for the day.  Once we were all up and ready for the day, we packed up a picnic lunch and talked about going for another bike ride and playing at a baseball park area.  But then we saw it was supposed to rain later, which would interfere with our boating plans, so we decided to bring the boat out right then!  The guys got it loaded up and we grabbed what we needed and headed out!  There were only a couple other people out on the lake and the weather was just perfect for us.  Each of the kids had a turn driving the boat with their Papa, we saw lots of turtles and a snake, and our picnic boat lunch was nice.  Kids put their feet in the water, but it started sprinkling so after a couple hours, we headed back.

Back at the house, kids played for a little while before our afternoon snack of ice cream cones (always have to have ice cream at Memaw and Papa's house) and then went down for a rest.  Sherin and I ran out to pick up a few things and by the time we got back, Timmy had arrived!!  We visited for a little while before having chicken chili for dinner and then we took a walk down to the lake to see if we could spot any turtles.  No turtles were spotted, but we did learn that a turtle had just laid eggs in one of the neighbor's yards, so after looking online, we learned that the hatchlings will probably be around in August.  While kids took turns in the bath/shower, people played ping-pong, and then we all sat down to watch Monsters, Inc and eat some popcorn.  After the movie, kids went to bed and the rest of us watched a documentary on some athlete (Bo Jackson, maybe?) before heading to bed, too.

The next morning, Phil's parents left for church and we packed up.  I also got another batch of chicken chili ready in Sherin's crock pot to bring over to my parent's house.  We loaded up and headed over to my parent's house (who had safely arrived from Chicago the night before) where we left our bikes, the chili, and our turtle while we went to church with Kimme and Beau.  The kids were a little timid going into their class, but warmed up and had a great time!!  The message was about a father's role, as our Heavenly Father as a role model and it was a challenging, encouraging message.  I really enjoyed the service at 12th St. Baptist with my little sister.  :)

After the service, we went back to my parent's house where we got busy helping move boxes, rearranging the garage, and unloading the u-haul.  My dad transferred to a different location for work, so he was finally able to move back home!  He will still have a bit of driving to do for his jobs, but he will be able to work from home where he and my mom can get settled together again, after living back and forth between Chicago and Kalamazoo the past two years.  Tony, Alison, Evan, Logan, Kimme, and Beau were all there as well and we enjoyed a yummy meal together of chicken chili, potato soup, rolls, and watermelon.  We also set up some tables to try and get things ready for the garage sale, but there is still more work to do for that, too.  Our friends, Jeff and Jessie stopped by (which was fun since we stopped and said hi to Jeff's family when we saw them outside after we left church) to drop off a turtle for Timmy, so it was fun to see them for a little bit, too.

We packed everything up one more time, dropped Sherin's crock pot off at church next to their car, and headed home.  Caid asked if we could drive past our old house in Wayland, which brought all sorts of emotions out for me and made me wish we wouldn't have done that.  Two kids fell asleep on the drive home.  Timmy's turtle kept crawling out of the bucket.  We stopped to pick up a few groceries and a frozen pizza for dinner.  Then we got home and put kids in bed and unloaded everything from the van.  Ellee was over tired, so we had lots of loud crying and sore legs and lots of comforting needed.  Eventually, we wound down watching a little tv while eating a late dinner and then got in bed, too.  

It was a full weekend, making lots of memories with our family, and giving us many things to reflect on how thankful we are.  The many emotions inspired many things I wanted to write about, but I figured jotting down the many things we did this weekend would be a good place to start.

So thankful to celebrate Father's Day this weekend, with my wonderful father, the father of my children, and the father of my husband.  I know I am blessed.

January's Blessings

When I looked ahead at our finances/budget for the month, I didn't know how we were going to make it through January.  January 30th felt like a LONG way off.  (Yes, I know tomorrow is the last day of January, but Phil gets paid on Wednesdays, so ultimately, we needed to make it to today.)

And here we are.  God provided and met all of our needs and more.  Yes, we still have debt that we need to pay off, but unfortunately, that will probably be the case for a while (thanks to Phil's months of being unemployed and some extra bills we acquired during all of that.)

I just want to write this out, as another reminder to myself that God is faithful and good.  He promises to meet all of our needs and I have seen Him do this over and over again.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19

And yet, at the beginning of the month, I sat worrying, overwhelmed and so upset about how things were going to pan out. We only had $400 to cover all food, fuel, and "extra" expenses.  Phil spends nearly that much in fuel commuting to and from work!  We knew we were going to have to pay for propane (over $500) and we didn't have the money.  I scheduled that drop off, and then rescheduled because we didn't have the money at the time.  We also ended up needing to replace my van battery and had to do some work on Phil's car, too.  (Thankfully, he was able to do that work with his dad, so the cost was much less than it could have been.)

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 

³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:25-34

Do you get the message there?  Do not worry!!!  He tells us over and over again not to worry.  I have seen God provide in the past, and I trust He will continue to do so in the future, so I don't know why I let the worries of this month get to me so badly!!  Those words, "you of little faith" jumped out at me, scolding me, reminding me that I know better!  Yet, reading these words from the book of Matthew reminded of His truth.  It calmed my heart and gave me peace that God loves me and will care for my family as He promises to do.  

Phil was able to sell a laptop and I sold a couple things from around the house.  I was excited to sell several hooded towels and a few other handmade items through my Paci-Finder, Etc. website, too.  

We were surprised with a delicious dinner (and A-MAZ-ING butterscotch chip cookies) that was sent home with Phil for our family.  

An anonymous person from church blessed us with bags and bags of groceries and toiletries.

And just yesterday, we received a note in the mail from a friend, with a very overwhelmingly generous cash gift.  

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."  Psalm 118:1

We were able to get the propane filled, our cars are running smoothly, we still have plenty of food in the house, and we managed to make it through the month without any overdraft fees or checks bouncing.  Truly, the fact that there was still money in our account yesterday (even before we received the cash in the mail) is a miracle from the Lord because the budget clearly said there shouldn't be any.  I am so thankful for His provision and so thankful that tomorrow is a new day, with a fresh start all around.  I will trust that God has a plan for our family.  I will trust that He will continue to direct us and meet our needs as we strive to be good stewards of that which we have been blessed.

"[His mercies] are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:23

Sadness and Struggles

This morning I woke to news that one of my junior high and high school classmates from IL passed away.  She was battling cancer and apparently, cancer won.  Even though I have not kept in contact with her (outside of being facebook friends) the emotions that this news brings are strong!  This woman, young, beautiful, single, and always so kind to everyone- had her whole life ahead of her!!  And it was taken from her.  I don't know where she stood spiritually, and I can only hope she is rejoicing now, pain free, in heaven with our Lord.

Another friend, held the gestational sac of her apple-seed sized 6 week baby this week.  This is my second close encounter with miscarriage in the past 2 months, and again, the emotions are intense.  I still grieve the loss of my niece or nephew and feel so sad that my sister-in-law and brother-in-law had to go through that sorrow.

People looking for jobs, others on their death beds, surgeries, sickness, deep pain and betrayal, divorce - seem to surround me.  So much pain!!

We are struggling, trying to figure out how to make ends meet.  With only $400 to cover food, gas, and any "extras" this month, we are now faced with a $500+ propane bill to heat our house.  We are trying our best to cut out extras, and trying to sell some things we can do without, but I just don't know how we are going to make this work.  

When did life become so serious, intense, and painful?

Happy New Year!

We said goodbye to 2012 and hello to 2013 with several of our favorite people- Phil's siblings, Tim and Wendy, and her husband, Kenton, along with some of Phil's cousins, Josh, Sarah, and David.

Wendy joined us early for a steak and potato dinner and the rest of the group arrived later for all sorts of yummy   video games, and a very entertaining game of Cranium.  Tim, David, and Caiden were on a team.  Phil, Josh, and I were on a team.  Kenton, Wendy, and Sarah were on a team, and Ellee and Cole just kept moving around and ending up back on my lap.  :-)  We watched some of the countdown, read a Bible story with the kids and put them to bed, played some more, and then watched the ball drop.  I went and kissed my kiddos and told them happy new year while they peacefully slept in their beds.  Then we spent the next hour and a half laughing as different people acted out more of the cranium cards before everyone was ready to crash.  I laughed and laughed til tears streamed down my face and I had to excuse myself to the restroom before I wet my pants!

I am so thankful that 2012 is behind and we never have to relive it again.  Even as I know that is true, I also realize that changing the year on the calendar doesn't automatically change the circumstances we are living in or the remaining effects of choices from the previous years.  It seems like 2012 was a really tough year, for so many people in my life.  The reality of pain, unfortunately, is just a part of this world.  As always, I remind myself that regardless of my circumstances, good or bad, my response and my attitude are my choice.  I am focusing on choosing joy this year, and I challenge you to do the same as well.  Happy New Year!

Cole is 3!

On Christmas eve, Cole turned three.  He had his well check visit this morning, and checked out great!  He was 28 lbs and 38 inches tall.  They did a blood test for lead, where they poked his finger and then filled in 4 circles on a card with his blood.  We teased Cole he was finger painting.  I don't remember either of my other two kids ever doing that. Even though all three of the kids were sick before Christmas with the flu (undiagnosed officially), the doctor recommended they got the flu vaccines to protect against the other strands going around.  I really debated, but finally decided it was worth it if it meant we wouldn't have to deal with another week of fevers (reaching 104), puking, and misery like we already struggled through.  So, the nurse got all ready, and I took turns holding the kids down while they fought and cried.  It was reaaaally bad.  I wanted to start crying right along with the three of them.  But thankfully, by the time we left the building, they had calmed down. As a three year old, Cole is the sweetest little guy ever.  He still gives the best squeezy hugs and loves to give me kisses, too.  He enjoys drawing, listening to stories, playing with trucks/cars/airplanes, playing outside, singing, and snuggling with me.  He eats pretty well and says his favorite food is macaroni and cheese.  Caiden shares a room with him and they each sleep in a twin bed.  He dresses himself, puts his own shoes on, and likes to do things "all by myself".  Within the past couple of months, he FINALLY officially was day time potty trained.  This week, he woke up with a dry diaper two days in a row, and then wanted to sleep in underwear the next night, so we let him.  He stayed dry the next night, too, but woke up wet this morning.  I debated about waking him up to go to the bathroom when I was up during the night, but wanted to see if he would do it himself- I should have just gotten him up!  Oh well.  :)  He loves to help me in the kitchen and enjoys playing with his brother and sister.  Cole does great in his class at church on Sundays and might be able to go start Cubbies on Wednesday nights soon!  During the night when Cole wakes up, he often wants to hop into bed with me.  I try and encourage him to get back in his own bed (because I just don't sleep as well with the kids in my bed) and I tell him he can come cuddle with me when the sun wakes up- I do love my morning snuggles with my littlest guy! To celebrate Cole's third birthday, we had immediate family over December 8th.  Some of the family was going to be in town that weekend to see the kids perform in our church Christmas program, so we decided to make a weekend of fun!  We made a cake, had presents, and then went to see the local Christmas light show with everyone. We planned to celebrate Cole's birthday with Phil's extended family at our family Christmas party on the 22nd, but Cole and Ellee had fevers, so they stayed home with Phil. On his actual birthday, the 24th, Cole was so excited when he woke up!  He remembered right away that it was his birthday!  Everyone had breakfast and got dressed, and then we sang to Cole and let him unwrap his presents.  We were going to make his birthday cake, but realized we used the rest of the eggs at dinner the night before, bummer. After opening birthday presents, we transitioned to our family Christmas celebration since we were going down to Kalamazoo that night.  We read about the birth of Jesus in the Bible and then had the kids open their stockings.  After that, they took turns opening their presents and spent some time playing with their new things.  We ate lunch, and while the kids napped, I ran to Meijer to get eggs and a few things we needed (including the rest of Phil's Christmas gift- a "family rules" wall hanging, and new mirror for the back of the bathroom door).  I made the cake and we got the rest of our food, gifts, and clothes gathered so we could leave for Kalamazoo right from church.  Phil and I both participated in the music portion of the Christmas eve service, so we had to be there early for practice.  We dropped off Cole and Ellee (and our van) at Phil's aunt's house and rode with Phil's cousin, Stephanie, to church.  The rest of the family met up with us later in time for the service. The service was nice, though our two youngest kids did not stay seated with the girl they were supposed to sit with, while we were on stage.  Got me a little stressed out while I was up front singing and my kids were running around the church, but what can you do??  After the service we headed down to Kalamazoo, where we stayed the night at my sister/parent's/the Kalamazoo house, before heading to Phil's parent's house in the morning.  Caid was up most of the night with ear pain, which meant so was I, and I was thankful to have plenty of room on the couch since Ellee came to snuggle with Caiden and I, too.  More about our Christmas fun later!

Stationery card

With Love Christmas Card

Don't send boring Christmas cards , personalize them at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Converta-Clips, for baby and mama!

I’ve made double sided Paci-Finders before, but this time, I made them with a couple of new ideas in mind!

These double sided clips can be used to convert a restaurant cloth (or paper) napkin into a quick bib!  Just throw your clip in the bag, and you will always be ready with a bib for your little one!  Then you don’t have to worry about remembering to grab a bib before you run out the door, and can leave the messy napkin behind instead of sticking it back in your diaper bag when you leave the restaurant.  Your clip will always be with you and ready to go!  This clip is just under 10 inches long, and worked well when I tried it on my 5 year old, 3 year old (as modeled by my sweet girl in the photos below), and 1 1/2 yr old children.  (I even put it around my neck, to my children’s delight.  :-))

These Converta-Clips can also be used with a receiving blanket, and you’ve got a nursing cover!  Attach one side to the blanket, adjust the blanket over the baby and the clip behind your neck, and clip the second side to the blanket as well, and you and your baby have a little bit of privacy for meal time.  I wish I had one of these when my kids were nursing!  My nursing covers weren’t quite large enough for me to feel comfortable using them, so I was always trying to keep my receiving blankets tucked behind my shoulder for privacy.

My kids helped me model the clip with a blanket to show you.  (Which made me think you could also use one of these to turn a special blankie into a super hero cape!!)

Just like the mitten clips, Converta-Clips can also be used for other things- like clipping baby’s blanket to the car seat, or a toy to the car seat.  I’m sure in all your creativity, you could think of many other uses for these clips!  If you do, I’d love to hear what you come up with!!  Like all of my items, I am happy to make custom orders, or coordinating sets.  Let me know what colors or ribbon theme you are interested in and I will get it to you ASAP!!  Stop by my site, www.pacifinderetc.com, or send me an email: jen@pacifinderetc.com.

Caiden turned 5 yesterday!!  We were driving home from a Whitecaps game last night and I looked at Phil and reminded him that 5 years ago, we were just meeting Caiden for the first time, and I was cuddling this incredible little life in my arms, amazed by how my heart was bursting with love for him.

We celebrated birthdays and time together with family last weekend.  My MIL's birthday was Friday, so the kids and I met up with Wendy and Kenton, to decorate Sherin's house as a surprise.  It was so much fun to get a cake all ready and hang streamers, balloons, and banners.  She was so surprised and excited when she got home that night around midnight.   

Saturday morning, Phil's family met up with us at the theater, to see Cars 2 for Caiden's birthday.  Last year, Caid chose to see Toy Story 3 for his birthday, and this year he wanted to see Cars.   We decided to make it a family event and let Ellee and Cole join us, too.  They did very well and enjoyed jumping from family members laps and chairs and eating lots of popcorn.  After the movie, we put everyone down for naps, and then got everything ready to celebrate Sherin's birthday together as a family, and I also got things ready for Caiden's party the next day.  We had pizza for dinner at the Austin's and then Joe got the boat ready so we could spend some time on the lake.  We headed back in after 8 (though it was so beautiful, I would have loved to stay out there much longer!) so we could have Sherin's cake and ice cream and then get the kiddos to bed. 

We got up and ready for church Sunday morning.  I had been in a bit of a funk/discouraged the past several days, and I really didn't even want to go to church that morning.  I tried to focus on changing my attitude and didn't even mention my attitude to Phil.  Figured that a day I didn't want to go to church was a day I really needed to learn something.  Anyway, went, got everyone situated in their classes and got seated.  Had opportunity to greet people around us and was told/asked, "You guys are expecting again, right?"  Um, nope.  "Oh yes, you are.  I thought I heard you were.  Really, you are, aren't you?"  Um, nope.  {Fight back tears, answer very politely about the current ages of my children and life, try and think positive that she was just confused about a different niece or nephew that will be joining the family soon, etc, and then turn back around and try to focus on singing songs of praise to God, while fighting back tears.}  When we started singing Laura Story's song, "Blessings", I just couldn't take it anymore and I ran out forcing the tears to wait until I got to the women's bathroom.  After I calmed myself down, I headed out, where Phil met me, and I told him I would grab Cole and was heading home and would pick them up after church.  He convinced me to just leave Cole and have some time to myself.  So I left.  It wasn't just this lady that got to me.  It was just the last straw, on top of my own insecurities and emotional battles and struggles from life.  Then when I went to pick everyone up, I heard that Cole had been very upset in the nursery, not even calming down with his Memaw, who was in the other nursery.  They tried to find us to get him, but apparently couldn't find Phil.  I felt sooo bad for my little Cole-baby!  He is usually such a happy little guy, so when he gets so upset, it just makes me so sad for him!  Needless to say, Sunday morning was NOT the best part of the weekend.

Anyway, I didn't really even plan to go there, in this post, but I guess I'm just getting it all off my chest.

So after church, we had lunch, got kids down for naps, and Phil and I finished getting things ready for Caid's party!  It was so nice to have all our immediate family together for presents, playing outside, grilling out, and cake and ice cream!  Caiden loved being with everyone, loves all his presents, and was pleased with his Lightning McQueen cake that I decided to attempt for him.  (It definitely was far from perfect, but Caiden was excited about it, and I was proud of myself for even attempting to be creative.)  We were so thankful for that time together with family, celebrating our Caiden-boy.

Yesterday, for Caiden's actual birthday, Memaw Sherin stopped by to give him hugs and a special birthday present (a box of Cars 2 cereal!) in the morning.  We played a game of Cars 2 Monopoly (that we got him for his bday) and he beat me!  We went to ToysRUs so he could use his $3 birthday coupon, and he picked out a fun Tow-Mater puzzle and got his birthday balloon (he said he didn't want his birthday crown, but then was very disappointed after we left, that he didn't get his birthday crown).  After playing a while, having lunch, and attempting to make scotcharoos (Caiden's request), the kids took naps with my mom while I ran to the store to get more corn syrup (so we could finish the recipe.)  Caiden woke up shortly after I returned from the store, so he helped me make the special scotcharoos.  Both my mom and MIL found a super cute idea in different magazines, turning rice krispie treats into popsicle looking treats, so that is what we were going to attempt to do with the scotcharoos.  Ellee woke up in time to help for a little bit, too.  They turned out pretty cute, but we didn't allow enough time for them to cool and harden enough, so they fell off the popsicle sticks when the kids were eating them.  They were yummy though, and looked super cute on the tray, and the kids had fun!  

In the evening, we met up with Phil after work and headed to the Whitecaps game for the evening.  A group from Phil's work got tickets for the game, and it happened to be on Caid's birthday.  The kids had so much fun, even with a little bit of intermittent rain.  The group from Phil's work all seemed to have fun with our kids, feeding them cotton candy, peanuts, etc, and letting them climb all over them and play with umbrellas and coupons and stuff.    Caid even made friends with a couple of ladies sitting right in front of us, who have birthdays today.  They kept talking to Caiden about being birthday buddies and their birthday jokes and laughing and teasing and having fun together.  We had hotdogs, french fries, and Cole was still begging off everyone around us for more food (totally not kidding, even the strangers in front of us) good thing he's so cute that people weren't annoyed.  Phil's coworkers kept teasing us about not feeding our obviously starving children, and glad they were there to give them something to eat.    They even announced Caiden's 5th birthday and our whole group cheered for him.  It was pretty exciting.  We left before the game was over because it was after 10 and it started to rain again, and apparently the game was suspended for rain shortly after we left so we don't who won!  I'm pretty sure I can confidentally say that Caiden had a blast and this will be a birthday week that he will remember with lots of happiness. 

We have another busy weekend ahead of us with lots more family time.  The Battle Creek air show is going on this weekend, so we will go see the Blue Angels on Saturday with my mom and the Austin family.  Sunday we will be in Muskegon with the extended family for a pool party 4th of July celebration and Monday will probably be spent pretty low key, recovering from the previous days of activities.  Happy 4th of July weekend to you!  (How is it already July?!?!) 

Monthly post...

• The rest of our time in ATL was very nice.  We enjoyed several visits with my cousin's family, got to check out the Aquarium and World of Coke during Phil's Tech-Ed closing party, went to Zoo Atlanta, and just relaxed, talked, and spent time together alone.  I missed the kids, and was very ready to see them by the day we headed back for home, but I was VERY thankful my mom was willing to keep them for us so we could get away by ourselves for a little bit.
• We got home on our 7th wedding anniversary.  Hard to believe it has been 7 years already- that makes me feel old!
• We also got home on Ellee's 3rd birthday!  How have three years gone by since they placed her in my arms and told me she was a girl, my daughter?  I love my sweet girl and though she can be very trying at times, my heart wants to explode with how much I love her.  She loves reading, writing, coloring, singing, playing with her babies, playing games, playing outside and riding her new bike, cuddling and rocking with her mama.  She loves helping me out and helping with Cole, too.  She can write her name and is learning to identify different letters and sounds.  She loves to count and, well, anything "school" related really.  She is my sweetie, little sunshine, and I am so thankful for her.  
• In just a few more weeks, my Caiden-boy will be five!  He has been sounding out words- both writing and reading them.  When we got back from ATL, he wrote a note to my cousin's girls, completely on his own, sounding out, "DYLVM?"  He was asking them, "Do you love me?" and I just thought it was so adorable that he came up with that, and was amazed that he took the initiative to sound it out and write it on his own!  I still have to decide what my plans are for him for the school year- I think I'm learning toward homeschooling, but I just am having such a hard time committing to a decision!  Caid still loves singing and was so excited to start up Pee-Wee kids choir at church for the summer.  Ellee also gets to be "in Caiden's class" and they are both having so much fun in choir on Wednesday nights. 
• Caiden and Ellee were also asked to be in Phil's cousin, Laura's, wedding in August.  They are so excited!!  Sherin and I picked out a dress for Ellee to wear and she looks like a little princess in it!!  I still need to get Caid's outfit together, but we've got time.  We can't wait to celebrate with Laura and Jonathan! 
• Cole-baby is 17 months and more amazing each day.  His vocabulary is exploding and he is saying new words (or phrases) all the time.  We are pretty much done nursing since my trip to Atlanta.  He still ocassionally climbs up on my lap and asks "please" for "milk" when he is hungry or thirsty.  He got used to a bottle while I was away, so I can usually distract him by asking him if he wants something to eat or drink and going to the kitchen with him to find something.  He drinks out of a cup just fine, but he really likes his bottle now for before nap or bed.  Cole has started sharing these HUGE, squeezy hugs with me, where he wraps his hands around the sides of my neck, and cuddles in for the best hug ever.  I love snuggling up to him and cherish these hugs from my little guy.  I finally moved him out of the infant seat since he was almost getting too tall, but he is still still rear-facing in our graco comfort sport.  We are in no hurry to turn him forward facing, and thankfully, he seems perfectly content as is.  He also loves reading, writing, anything that his big brother and sister are doing.  He is totally capable of so much and lets us know exactly what he needs and wants.
• I haven't been doing too much sewing lately, but I've made a few gifts- hooded towels, taggie blankets, paci-finders, and even taught myself how to make flower hair clips for Ellee.  I took pictures and thought about posting a tutorial since I love reading other people's tutorials on fun projects, but I just have to find the time.  (And tell myself not to worry about the fact that there are probably many other tutorials out there that would be way better than mine, and just be proud of what I've figured out on my own.)
• We are still waiting to hear what's going to happen with our house sale.  I have dealt with paperwork and emails and loops of confusion and uncertainty.  I am not sure what God is trying to teach me right now, but I sure wish I could prove to Him that I'm learning already!!!!  He is certainly giving me plenty of opportunities to try and practice patience and I am trying, but it is so difficult to just feel like I am in limbo right now, just waiting for the next steps in my life to unfold.
• Anyway, I should try to go to sleep.  We have many exciting events on the calendar over the next several days.  Sweet dreams!  

Atlanta

I am sitting in a hotel room, overlooking downtown Atlanta, enjoying the quiet and taking a few minutes to "catch up" online. Phil has a Microsoft Tech Ed conference here this week, so I came along for a little break and vacation. My mom volunteered to watch the kids, so they are keeping her busy and she is loving on them as much as she can! I do miss them, but I am enjoying my break from the responsibilities of motherhood. We go back on the 22nd, in time to celebrate Ellee's 3rd birthday, and our 7th wedding anniversary! My nephew also has a birthday this week (how is he already almost 1??), so we will have a party to celebrate all these milestones on Sunday with family.

We left home Saturday morning and landed in ATL early afternoon. We picked up our rental car and checked into our hotel. After driving around and doing a little shopping, we met up with my cousin's family for dinner at Ted's Grill and then went back to their place to visit. We haven't seen each other in about 2 1/2 years, so it was great to spend time visiting with Kara, Brandon, and their two girls- Kayleigh and Abigail!! We got back to our hotel around midnight and enjoyed sleeping in Sunday morning. I tried to convince Phil that we should check out a random church around here for the cultural experience, but we weren't sure we would get back in time to get to the Braves game. Instead we got breakfast in the hotel restaurant (an okay breakfast buffet) and then got ready to walk to the stadium, which is kitty corner from our hotel!

The Braves beat the Phillies and the weather was very nice for sitting outside for a few hours. It looked like it might storm, and we felt a few tiny drops, but thankfully, the storms held off. It was the Civil Rights game, so there were some special guests that spoke before the game started. We didn't get around to picking up sunblock before the game, so we got a little bit of sun, but thankfully we aren't too bad. After the game, we walked back to the hotel and let the traffic die down a little before we headed out to find a grocery store and a Papa John's to get some dinner. We came back to the hotel to eat and watched The Karate Kid before going to bed. The people in the room next to us were having a grand old time, laughing, clapping, talking (loudly) until midnight, so I was thankful to finally get some sleep after their party died down. Unfortunately, the knocking on their door and (loud) talking at 5:45 am this morning ruined my chance of sleeping in. Ugh, why am I such a sensitive sleeper, and why are people so inconsiderate?!?!

I dropped Phil off at his conference this morning, so I could use the car if I wanted to. Instead of heading out to explore, I am enjoying resting with my feet up and watching a little bit of tv. My cousin will get off work in a little bit, and I might spend the afternoon with her. Phil plans to walk back to the hotel (hope it's not raining!) and then drive down to meet up with us this evening. If I have time in my busy day, I will try to upload some photos to facebook.

Jean Skirt

A friend of mine shared a post on how to make a jean skirt from a pair of jeans, so I gave it a try!  I posted about it on my website- go check it out!  :-)

Way Over Due...

I know that I am way over due for an update.  Things have been pretty "out of norm" around here lately.  (Yes, I sat here for about a minute, trying to decide what words to use to describe our life as of late.  That was the best I could come up with.)

Caiden is doing well.  He loves trying to read new words, sounding things out, playing with numbers- watching the clock or adding things, playing, singing, and having fun.  He is such a smart little guy and I sure love him!  I really need to decide if I'm going to homeschool him because it's already time for kindergarten enrollment!!!  He loves to be outside and he LOVES to go biking!


Ellee has been paci free for a month now!!!  It was a pretty rough transition but she never even asks about her pacis anymore.  I am thankful they are out of her life, and that she is starting to get back to a normal night sleeping routine.  It is still a battle getting her to sleep (naps and night) but at least she stays asleep (for the most part) once she gives in!  She, too, loves singing, playing, coloring, drawing, learning, reading, and most importantly, cuddling with Mama!!  :-)  Hard to believe she will be three next month!  Oh yeah, and she loves helping me with everything around the house (dishes, laundry, cooking, caring for Cole- anything I let her help with!)


Cole had his 15 month well check a week or so ago.  He is growing well (19 1/2 lbs) and doing everything (or more, of course, right??) that he is supposed to be doing.  He brings a joy to everyone he meets- even when he is showing off the little bit of attitude he is starting to show off.  He is such a happy little guy- loves music, playing with his big brother and sister, and his little cousin, too.  His favorite word right now is "downstairs" and he gets his shoes and runs to the basement door regularly to let us know what he wants to do.  He is still a great sleeper, though he has been waking up around 1 am the past several nights.  All the kids have dealt with different sicknesses the past month (ear infections, colds, coughs, tummy bug) so I think it might have had something to do with that.  I am sure am looking forward to getting back to sleeping through the night again someday!  He is so much fun, but he is great at getting into things he is not supposed to!!  :-)

 

I have been having fun with my sewing projects.  They have been an opportunity for me to just enjoy time to myself and feel like I am being productive.  I have been thankful for the "customers" I have been blessed with and hope to see my business continue to grow!  It has also been fun for me to figure out how to build a website (thanks to my wonderful brother's guidance).  Go check out all the changes on my site, especially if you haven't seen it yet!

www.PaciFinderEtc.com